This thing called life..

what happened!!!?

I stepped on the scale yesterday and I’ve gained 8 pounds!!!  When did that happen?  Ok, so maybe I just might now what it happened. 

I got bad when I started school.  I barley have enough time to get ready in the morning before I have to head out for my hour, yes I said hour, drive to work.  And since I pass about 3 Starbucks on the way I’ve started stopping at them for a jumpstart to my morning.  I mean come on I’m in one class for 4 hours and talking about Medical Terminology does not a fun class make.  So I convinced myself I need to stop at Starbucks every morning to wake myself up, oh and have a nice little something to eat along with my drink. 

Then that turned into passing some fast food place after school and deciding I was to hungry on the way home to wait the time it would take for me to fix something.  Dude, do you really except me to wait the 6 minutes it takes to heat something up in the microwave.  Sheesh, this is the 21^st century, I want my food NOW!

Add to the fact that I stopped going to the park over the summer, it was 90 degrees at 7:00 in the morning and I was melting.  And there you have an eight-pound gain. 

I keep telling myself I’m going to strap those shoes back on my feet and head out to the park and loose this added weight, but has it happened yet.  I’m assuming we can all guess the answer here, huh?

My size 12 jeans that I was so proud to be able to fit into are getting a little snug.  FYI, when I say a little, I mean a lot!

I don’t know if it’s the fact that I like going to the park early in the morning to workout and can’t do that anymore because class starts at 8:30 in the morning or that I once again make the excuse that it’s to hot by the time I get out of class to head over to the park.  And we all know that once I’m home I’m not going back out to workout.  Or could it be that fact that I have no idea where my workout clothes are.  I think they are at the bottom of my dirty clothes bin, I tend to skip over them when I do laundry.  The excuse being that I was saving the earth by not using up all the water just to wash my workout clothes that were not being used.  That one so sounded better at the time. 

So, it’s sink or swim time.  I must start working out and eating right. 

And I will, right after I have that last cinnamon roll from Starbucks tomorrow morning. 

five pounds back

So disappointed in myself right now.  My weigh-in was today and I've gained 5 pounds over the past week.  The week before when my nieces stayed I was able to keep the weight steady but this past week I have had anything and everything I wanted to eat and didn't do any exercise. 

I started off my day today with a walk at the park and a trip to the grocery store.  Because no matter how much I work out I've learned it's more about what I eat that gets me closer to my weight goal.  And this is my week to get back of track on a couple of things like the scrapbook room.  I'm coming to a dead end with that room.  Just way to many little things that don't have homes.  Need to let go of a lot of stuff!  It looks like I need to sit down and make my big long to do list for the week and at the top of it will be LOOSE THAT EXTRA 5 POUNDS!

half way there!

Yesterday was my weekly weigh in with Weight Watchers and I hit my half way mark!!  Woohoo!!  I have lost 29 pound and I have another 29 to go.

Like I always say this has been HARD!  The last few months for some reason have been harder for me.  I guess I just had this great plan but didn't really follow through and started a roller coaster ride with my weight.  I seemed like I would gain two pounds then lose two pounds for almost a month.  B was able to help me with that and made me realize that even though I am still watching what I eat it's now at the point that I need to dig a little further and really look at how much sodium is in the food.  Because I love me some salt!

And then I realized that I must have been smoking some really good crack because there was no way I could lose all the weight by July.  I'm going to have to refigure that and set a new goal for my end weight.  And as the last few months have proved I can set that goal but it's totally up to me if I'm going to make it.  As usual hard work, hard work, and more hard work are the only way I'm going to get there.  But sometimes you just don't want to work that hard anymore and it would be so much easier to go to Wendy's everyday  for lunch and dinner.  But I've worked this hard to get to this spot and I can't let myself slide.  There is so much self talk involved in weight loss, because you can listen to so many people tell you how to do it and when to do it, but until you start to listen to yourself and believe in yourself you won't really be able to do it.

moving on

Took a big step today in moving on with my life.  I had been trying to make myself do it for the longest time but finally realized I couldn't do it myself and had to get some help.  But it needed to be done and now I can take one more step towards healing.  It's a good thing.

Yesterday was Gabby's actual Birthday so we went out to eat.  I made sure to have my picture taken with her because I had found a picture of us together from last years birthday party.

In these two pictures I can see how far I've come in my weight loss.  I was so unhappy in the top picture.  It was soon after Emma's death and I didn't really want to be there and I was unhappy with my weight.  When I saw this pictures I knew I needed to do something about it.  I have no idea how much I weighed at the time but I'm going to guess close to 220.

But now almost 30 pounds lighter I feel much better.  Emma and Ethan's death still effect me everyday but I'm learning to live with and deal with the feelings as they come.  I've started and stopped my weight loss several times over the year but at this moment I'm doing really good with it.  It's become more of a habit for me than something I have to force myself to do.  I'm slowly making the changes I've been wanting to make in my life.  Still trying to reach the goals I have set for myself.  Right now I weigh 190 pounds (give or take) and I have 32 more pounds to go.  I don't know how much longer it's going to take me to get to my goal weight but I think that now I have the right mind set to achieve it.

*edited to add* OMG! totally thought I had lost this post when I hit the wrong button.  I would have so had to kill someone, and their name would have been typepad!

morning walk

I have never been a morning person, hated getting up at what I called the butt crack of dawn to workout.  But now I am loving this time of day. 

The park is nice and quite everything around me is starting to wake up.  And at the same time the world seems to slow down a bit and I take notice of everything around me.  Getting up this early gives me a jump start on my day. 

Going to walk in this area has also reminded me I need to get out more.  Spend more time in the outdoors.  Enjoy what the world around me has to offer.  I think sometimes you get so caught up in the day to day chaos of life that you forget to stop for a moment and look around at all the world has to offer. 

I don't think I'm a very material person, yes I want certain things, but if I don't have them I'm fine with that.  My life is not about what I posses, well maybe in scrapbook supplies it is. :)  My life is more about how I live it, and the choices I make whether they be good or bad. And taking this morning walk reinforces those thoughts for me, it reminds me that this is what life is about.

And I now think it's a sin to miss a good sunrise.

losing weight

this isn't easy.  It's almost become a full time job for me.  Constantly thinking about what I'm going to eat, how many points is it going to be, can I fit in a workout today?

I've come to learn that there is no easy way to lose weight, no pill can magically take it away.  I've tried it before, several times.  But this time I'm learning how to lose it and keep it off.  I've learned good eating habits and I've learned how to spot the bad ones.  But that doesn't always mean I do it.  Learning that I can eat anything I want, but that I can't overload on certain foods.  I have to have them in moderation.  No more hamburgers everyday, now it's a every few weeks treat for good behavior.

Of course while I was on vacation I did nothing but shovel food in my mouth all day and I can tell.  I gained 3 pounds and I was upset with my self only because I could have done better but just didn't.  No worries, that just puts me back a bit and this week I need to focus extra hard on eating right and working out. 

The workout part is still a struggle for me.  Right now I'm walking outdoors for my exercise.  The VCR is not hooked up so I can't do my exercise tapes.  You would think I would invest in some DVD but I've been buying tapes for so long and I have my favorites.  Just don't want to spend the money on buying them as DVDs.  So my walks depend on the weather but most of the time I'm just to tired from walking all day at work to make extra time to do if for exercise.  So it's still my challenge to get in some good exercise time to help drop the pounds.  Plus it just gives me more energy for the day when I do workout.  I've just got to start making it a priority.

The pounds are slowly coming off and I think I'll still make my goal weight by July.  It's only a little over 30 more pounds and I'll be at my goal weight.

10%

HOLY CRAP!!

I REACHED MY 10% GOAL WEIGHT TODAY!! ROCK ON WITH MY BAD SELF!!!

Man it feels good saying that.  It's like every little goal I set for myself, that seemed so far off away, I'm making. :)  It just puts a smile on my face, for the first time trying to lose weight is working.  It's actually happening, and I know that I can fall off the wagon sometimes and just pick up where I left off.  I've done it a few times since starting Weight Watcher and each time I maybe gained a pound or two, but I never gained it all back. 

I'm excited to reach my next goal, which will be 186 pounds.  I try and take it 10 pounds at a time.  Hopefully I'll reach that goal by mid April.

And tomorrow I think I shall treat myself to a manicure and pedicure! :)

Under 200

So about two weeks ago on my weigh in day I hit 199!!  I just about pissed my pants I was so excited.  I can not believe that I'm at this spot in my weight loss. :)

It's taken me since May to do this, but now that I'm here I feel a renewed effort.  I CAN do this.

Before I was just watching what I was eating, not really trying to work in exercise time.  But now I know that I can't just eat right.  I am making an effort to put exercise into my day.  Right now I'm just walking, this past week I pushed myself a little harder and started walking 2 miles, which is a an hour.  It just erks the crap out of me that I walk for a whole hour and only get 3 points for in with Weight Watchers.  But I guess something is better than nothing.

I had really thought that I would be down to 194 lbs., my 10% goal, by the end of this month but it looks like I'll end the month out at 196 or 195. 195 would be great.  But I will be weighing myself everyday after that to see when I'll hit 194.  That will be a huge party, and I bet those bastards at Weight Watchers will just give me another 10% goal.

back at it....

On Monday I started weight watchers again!

I love being on the Flex program and doing it from home.  Because with my crazy work schedule it's hard to get to meetings, or at least that's my excuse.  Last time I started WW I lost 4 pounds the first week,  Let's see if I can do that again. 

My 10% goal is still 194.  That's about 16 pounds to go!

Now I just need to get off my butt and start working out!